Right now at UND we have access to two dorms. One is Smith, and one is Fulton. We live in Fulton, but everyone studies in Smith’s basement because it has air conditioning, and is in fact the only place we really have access to anything cold.
Today we were on our way back from dinner and were trying to decide if we needed to go to Fulton first, or if we could head straight to the basement to study. Suddenly I realized we hadn’t taken Ari to the bathroom after her meal, and I wanted to catch her before she went in her training pants. So we were standing outside the dorm as people were walking past, just having this casual conversation about toddler bathroom logistics and whether we should go to Fulton or Smith.
This would be a good place to explain to you that my daughter has a normal and toddler like slight speech impediment in which she approximates some sounds. For instance, word initial “st” because “t.” Also, word initial “sm” becomes “p” and “th” becomes “s”.
So I turned to Ari and say, “Baby, we need to go use the bathroom. Do you want to use the bathroom in Fulton or Smith?”
And Ari, always helpful and eager, turns with a bright smile and shouts at the top of her lungs, “YES, MOMMY! I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM TO PISS!”
In grad school right now, I’m teaching a lab where I’m learning Hindi. It’s now the 8th week, and we are telling each other stories. They are very basic, and consist of sentences like, “The bear is brown. The bear is holding a hat. The bear feels angry.” The problem is, my lab group is morbid.
Right now, we are going through a picture book of the classic story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. If it’s been a while, let me sum things up for you.
A cute little girl walks into a house. She finds some yummy porridge, breaks a chair, falls asleep in a comfy bed, gets scared by some bears, and runs out of the house.
Here’s our basic story so far: A rabbit got high on some mushrooms and Goldilocks kicked him as she walked into the house. She tried the porridge, but a rat had been cooked into it and it made her vomit. Goldilocks’ sister has been kidnapped and stuffed into an upstairs footlocker, and in the rescue attempt, Goldilocks was startled by a large angry bear, jumped out of the window, broke her arm, was rendered immobile, and was eaten by the three bears. A large group of spiders attacked the three bears, but baby bear threw a lamp on the floor and lit the house on fire.
These people are ruining my childhood, y’all.
Justin: “So if you could pick one TV series…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…to continue…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…and retain all it’s former charm…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…would you pick…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…Firefly,…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…Lost,…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…or Harry Potter?”
Me: “Fire…oh, crap.”
(PS – Turns out? Still Firefly.)