In grad school right now, I’m teaching a lab where I’m learning Hindi. It’s now the 8th week, and we are telling each other stories. They are very basic, and consist of sentences like, “The bear is brown. The bear is holding a hat. The bear feels angry.” The problem is, my lab group is morbid.
Right now, we are going through a picture book of the classic story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. If it’s been a while, let me sum things up for you.
A cute little girl walks into a house. She finds some yummy porridge, breaks a chair, falls asleep in a comfy bed, gets scared by some bears, and runs out of the house.
Here’s our basic story so far: A rabbit got high on some mushrooms and Goldilocks kicked him as she walked into the house. She tried the porridge, but a rat had been cooked into it and it made her vomit. Goldilocks’ sister has been kidnapped and stuffed into an upstairs footlocker, and in the rescue attempt, Goldilocks was startled by a large angry bear, jumped out of the window, broke her arm, was rendered immobile, and was eaten by the three bears. A large group of spiders attacked the three bears, but baby bear threw a lamp on the floor and lit the house on fire.
These people are ruining my childhood, y’all.
Justin: “So if you could pick one TV series…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…to continue…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…and retain all it’s former charm…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…would you pick…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…Firefly,…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…Lost,…”
Me: “Firefly.”
Justin: “…or Harry Potter?”
Me: “Fire…oh, crap.”
(PS – Turns out? Still Firefly.)