I’ve pretty much given up getting him to sit in his swing straight. He’s just a rebel, my boy. Thinks outside the box! Creative! Intelligent! Athletic! Dare devil! Adrenaline junkie! OK, that’s too far.

Seriously, though, we’re gonna have to watch out for our little man-baby (which Justin, as the inventor of the word, has decided needs to be hyphenated). When Ari was small and we would gently toss her in air, she would get a look of utter betrayal and fear on her face that said, “Mommy?! What are you doing to me?!” It took her about a year until she liked it. But at four months old, when we do the same thing to Will, he just looks bored and maybe a little annoyed. If he could talk he would be saying, “Seriously? That’s all you’ve got?”

Right now, you are studying the art of Rolling Over and Screaming Because You Don’t Know How To Get Back.

You spit up less, but it still freaks your sister out. Even when it’s just bubble drool.

You just found your toes the other day, and frankly, it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you.

You have started those melt-your-heart, wild, slobbery, open-mouthed baby kisses.

You roll up into a ball when you’re excited.

You’re ticklish on both of your sides and under your arms. I know this because of the wild laughter that ensues when I “getchu” there.

Your sister is still your favorite person in the whole world. (It’s mutual.)

You have mastered the Lower Lip Quiver and can pretty much get whatever you want.

You have never, ever, even once, run out of kisses.

Happy Five Month Day, my favorite Little Man.

“Hi, my name is Kim, thank you for calling [insert name of stupid company with free trial of a membership subscription to something you only need once here], how may I help you?”

“Hi, Kim! I need to cancel my account.”

“Well, you just opened your account, you don’t even know what we have to offer.”

“Thanks, I do. I’d like to just cancel my account.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I don’t want it anymore.”

“Well, [insert pointless service no one really needs here] is something everyone needs. Your free trial period…”

“Can you just cancel my account?”

“Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’ve just extended your free trial for 30 days…”

“Here’s what you’re gonna do. Cancel my account.”

“[Insert horrible thing that's going to happen if you don't subscribe to their service here] is at an all time high. You wouldn’t want to be caught off guard, would you? Unprotected? You need to keep your family safe.”

“Thanks for your concern, please just cancel my account.”

“Well, you don’t even really know what we offer yet. You should keep the free trial for 30 days…”

“Can you hit the ‘cancel’ button, please?”

“Alright, here’s what’s gonna happen. At the next billing cycle, your card will only be charged [insert discounted service price here that's really only a discount because the number is, technically, lower than the original one that was too high to begin with] per month for our services. That’s a savings of [insert negligible amount here] off the regular member price.”

“Alright, great. Can you cancel my account now?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t really let you do that to yourself. This is a service that everyone…”

“Cancel my account or I’m going to find out where you live, drive to your house, stalk your cat, fill your toilets with rocks, put your potted plants in your freezer, and steal all your clean underwear.” *

“Thank you for your business, as of the next billing cycle your free trial has been cancelled.”

*I might not have actually said this. But I was thinking it. *sinister leering shifty eyes* Oh, I was thinking it.